Question:
"In learning how to die, we will know how to live." Meaning?
Dave
2009-05-28 13:51:50 UTC
Taken from the book, "After Breast Cancer, A common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment" by Hester Hill Schnipper.

Here is the rest of the quote:

"We have to think about how we want to live and we have to consider how will will someday want to die. All of us must learn how to live so we will know how to die. Equally important, in learning how to die, we will know how to live."

Comments are welcomed.

She is an oncologist who has had breast cancer and has lead many support groups and have had very close members of the group die. As she has witnessed their struggle in cancer's last stages she states that this is what really matters.
Four answers:
Spreedog
2009-05-29 05:20:36 UTC
Historically, we humans have worried about death throughout our history.

We think that animals do not worry about it because they don't comprehend it.

So we of all living creatures seem to have the capacity to know that death is inevitable for us all - whether we have cancers or not - and so we fear it.



What have we as homo sapiens sapiens done about it over the centuries?

We have looked for ways to cheat death or soften the prospect of death.

Egyptian pharaohs built pyramids to cheat death.

The Christian religion gained many adherents because it promised the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting.

That is a comforting thought.

~2 billion people on earth call themselves Christians, another 1.4 billion Muslims.

Muslims also seek eternal life after death - they recognize the same God as Christians but with a different prophet.

These are human coping mechanisms.



Over 2000 of my patients died with or from their cancers.

There were similarities, but each one handled approaching death in his or her own way, and the loved ones left behind handled the loss in their own ways - sometimes with religious beliefs and many with an inner strength they didn't know they had. Support groups are good for unity and strength in developing coping skills.



In some cases death became a welcome release from the process of dying. From all of the suffering I have seen in my years as a cancer and leukemia doctor, the conclusion I have reached for myself is that being dead is easy, peaceful. It's dying that's hard. I've seen many people die. They look much more peaceful in death than they did in the last vestiges of life.



People - my patients - would ask me, "Am I terminal?"

I would answer that we all are terminal.

For all I know I could be gone in a car accident before tomorrow.

For those who considered themselves Christians, I'd recommend Matthew 6:34 where Jesus tells people not to worry about tomorrow.

Focus on dealing with each day.

With this reasoning it makes sense to make the best of each day.

None of us KNOW with certainty how many days we will have

- whether we have a cancer diagnosis or not.



There are few relative certainties in life. One is that no human has ever gotten out of it alive. So, indeed, fulfill each day.



Added thoughts regarding people who have had a cancer diagnosis.

I suspect that before people are diagnosed with a type of malignancy, they see death as far off in distant time. From years of people thinking that cancer was always a death sentence, we have developed the idea that our days are numbered once we have this diagnosis. I have seen many people treated successfully for cancers - then die from another unrelated medial problem. Physicians and nurses are doing much better in treating cancer these days. Sometimes we only control them and buy time - hopefully quality time. But we do not actually cure high blood pressure or diabetes either. And there is no cure for the normal aging process.



I once saw a 96 year old person with an advanced malignancy of the GI tract. I suggested that chemotherapy would likely do more harm than good - make her miserable and not add to her life. The family looked at me incredulously and said, "She's lived 96 years, she can't die now." It struck me that no matter how many years we are able to survive, it will never be enough to suit some of us.



For thousands of years up until ~ 1700 AD, the life expectancy at birth hovered at 30 years. Of course that is partly because half of babies did not live to be five years old.

But even after making age five, a human was lucky to make age 40. 100 years ago in the USA, the life expectancy at birth was 47 years. Many people did not live long enough to get cancers which are far more common in people over age 50. I wonder if we will ever be satisfied that we have lived long enough. Probably not. It's very human of us to wish to live as long as possible.
Kandiee
2009-05-28 15:23:35 UTC
I think you pretty much answered you question , Yes My same

thoughts , if your life is unfulfilled , then dying would be pretty much

the same ..

We all have fears , I think the most prominent one is the fear of dying .

I had a friend about 7 years ago that had breast cancer , at first they

treated it as an infection , because the tumor was so large , later to

find out this tumor was an agressive cancer , She was the most

courageous woman I knew , she fought , she even came to work

after a morning of treatment , She never gave up until the day they told her it had spread and nothing more could be done , she had a young son about 11 then , but she got all of her affairs in order , and

with her family and few friends surrounding her she passed ..

She was 45 ...

Yes when we learn how to meet death we do , not all are prepared , but somehow , there is a strength and guidence from the heavens that give us that ..

The support groups for any kind of disease are so wonderful , what

they are able to take and give to one another is remarkable ..



These people are truly god's gift ..

"If we never lived , we don't know how to die " But we do , and no matter how your life is , when the time comes , its over ..

From this we need to learn how to live .

Thank you for such a wonderful and giving question
Reena
2009-05-28 20:10:40 UTC
Life is a circle.



Unfortunately in our society "death" and even "aging" is taboo.

We strive to stay young and are constantly confronted thru advertising that "Youth" and "Health" is something we must strive for.



But Nature has been the same thru all ages and eons. We are born, we grow up and some day we grow old or get sick and then we die.

That is the circle of life.



Only when you accept your age and the health condition you are in and the fact, that yes, you will eventually die, can you live a meaningful life.



There is beauty and peace in every stage of our life. We do not have to pretend to be 20 something forever and we must accept that whatever the roulette wheel of life dealt us is our destiny and there is no one to blame for it's outcome.



Each one of us assumes they will be the last one to stand because that is what we are taught. Life a "healthy" life and you will live forever. When the merciless roulette wheel of nature deals us a different fate we are upset and try to find blame at anything and everybody. But eventually we will accept the inevitable. There is no one to blame. It is what it is.



For what it is worth: There is no answer to the why.... only that you have so much time and that you should fill it with happy memories to reflect when the time comes.



You may chase dreams and foreign shores.... or find the inner peace and learn who you really are. Chase the butterflies... or find the meaning of your life. The choice is yours.

Either or - only you will take the answer to the other side.



And the circle of life starts over again.
MEL.
2009-05-28 15:17:31 UTC
Hi Dave,



Thank you for the update on becky, polyps are very common and thousands of people are walking around with them not even realizing they have any. I am sure it will be ok...really, I'm not just saying that.



I think the quote means that when faced with possible death we re evaluate our lives and realize the things that are most important to us and our loved ones and having had that experience if we are given a second chance we find that it has taught us how to live our lives the way we know we want to rather than the way we think others expect us to.



What is worse than death??? Well I suppose death is our escape from pain, worry,illness, etc: So she is saying that death is better than long days in agonizing pain or unending worry. That's the only way I can interpret it.



Love and hugs to you both.



Mel.XX


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